I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
