he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
