So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
