He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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