Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
