I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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