Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm getting married
To pizza
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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