i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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