Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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