Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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