i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize