Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
