and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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