I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
