ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
