I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
