am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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