What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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