I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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