actually, I'm a sock model
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
