Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
