I must be too annoying 4 u.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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