So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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