You smell like a Billy Joel song
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
