Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
