Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
