I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
