That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
