can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
