Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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