I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
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