We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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