I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
