I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
