This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
