I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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