I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
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