It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
