Someone shit on the floor
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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