That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
