We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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