Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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