Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
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I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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