All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So much Jack, so little girl.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
