my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
