God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
