i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
