This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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