I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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