Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
