How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
