1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
