Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
