he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
