I think im going to throw up on grandma
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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