I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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