Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
