my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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