I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
