16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
