He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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