she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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