we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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