Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
