Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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