U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
