at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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