Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
