i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
